The world lost a man many people loved. Robin Williams was found dead in his California home, and the cause is suicide. He was a man who made many laugh. He was one of my favorites. I was fond of his stand up work. He could play a funny man, genie, alien or women with ease. Like in Mrs. Doubtfire, Birdcage, Mork & Mindy, and Aladdin. He could be the weird creepy guy too as in Insomnia. His stand up will make you laugh until you pee yourself or likely spit soda out of your nose. His talents where endless! He made me laugh many times throughout my life.
He had fame, boat loads of money, many friends, a wife, 3 kids, and a great career? Many people say “I don’t get it? How does a guy with all Robin Williams had commit suicide? How could he possibly be so sad? He had everything to be happy about.” This is where I can relate. Can I relate to the great career, and loads of money? No that I can’t relate to. I am disabled, and money is little to non-existent for me. I can relate to depression! To thoughts of suicide, and feeling hopeless when you have so much to be happy for. I wish I didn’t understand but sadly I do. And sadly so do many of my ill friends.
First lets clear something up! There is a HUGE difference between “Being sad”, and “being clinically depressed“. The differences are HUGE! But Being sad is something I think every human experiences in their lifetime. Being sad is a normal emotion felt by many. Various things make people sad. You’re sad when your cat dies. You’re sad you got a D on your math test. Sure it hurts! You question why? You might feel a little angry. BUT being sad gets better. Being sad doesn’t take over your life! Most sad people are not sad all the time. Most times you can do small things to help your sadness get. Sadness is temporary.
Being Clinically Depressed is a whole different ballgame. Depression requires no reason. It can happen to anyone! When one is depressed they need nothing to happen first. There is no why, what or how. Being depressed is a mental illness that can happen to anyone. Sure I could go on and on about brain chemicals, chemistry, hereditary factors blah blah blah blah! THOSE are NOT the reasons I want to get into other than yes depression is an illness! Depression is an illness the same as Diabetes or any well-known” illness. Illness is illness! Depression needs no kitty dying to set the person into tailspin of their own personal doom. Sometimes there are no reasons to make the person angry, lonely, anxious, hopeless, tired, and just well depressed.
Some people have reasons to be depressed. There is clear-cut reasons why depression could be an issue. Many acknowledge these reasons being valid. But some do not. Like in the case of Marines, and Soldiers struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The effects of combat, and the very demanding life of our military personnel becomes very taxing for some men and women. When you have a seasoned veteran whom had been deployed many times you nod, and say “ahhh now that I understand!” PTSD causes depression among other things. Anger, suicide, broken relationships, trust issues, insomnia, substance abuse are only a few things PTSD can manifest as. The feeling of doom, the fear, and hopelessness are all the same. The reasons are the only thing that’s different.
When you are the one depressed you want to poke anyones eye out when they say “but you have so much to live for! You have many reasons to be happy! You have NOTHING to be sad about!” Well ya no shit Sherlock! You think because I am depressed I don’t realize I have a family? Friends? 3 dogs and 3 cats? All of which I know love me? Yes I realize this, and sometimes in my not-so-right state of mind I have told myself they would be better off without me. I still love them. Many times I want to do better by them. Depression doesn’t always make one a heartless asshole. Many suffer in silence. A depressed person doesn’t always live a life of reasoning. Depressed people don’t think clearly. They’re not hateful monsters.
Depression can happen in anyplace, and happen to anyone. It might be your neighbor, mother, sister, co-worker, boss, kids, friends, doctors, lawyers, artists, musicians, and ACTORS! It might be you! There is not one type of depressed person. Depression happens to every race, authenticity, sex, income level, any religion, and any address. Depression has no language barrier. When a person is depressed they can have everything going for them or nothing at all.
None of that matters in Depression! All reasoning goes down the John with yesterdays number Deuce. It’s the same as chronic illness. Chronic illness can happen to anyone at anytime. Depression is an illness. Rich people get sick. Poor people get sick. Funny people get sick, and depressed people get sick. You can be rich, poor, successful, a failure, funny, shy, and suffer from Depression. Depression is very real and very serious! Depression hurts! Depression is a kill joy! It robs you of laughter, and excitement. It steals your motivation and enthusiasm. Depression makes things like food, love, showers, joy seem irrelevant and unnecessary.
When one is depressed they feel lost, hopeless, worthless, and alone. You may ask how a person like Robin Williams could possibly feel alone? He had a wife, kids, fans, and many friends. NONE OF THAT MATTERS when you are depressed! It’s like looking at the world through scratchy, fogged up glasses. You fail to see things right in front of your face. Everything is fuzzy and out of focus. You don’t see them. You don’t smell them. When you’re depressed you don’t take appreciation in the small things in life anymore. In fact when you’re depressed you find fault in everything and everyone. Nothing is good enough. You find joy in nothing. Even if it’s something you previously found joy in.
You feel unloved despite the number of friends or family you may have. No one is ever enough, or does enough for you. You feel like no one likes or loves you. Depression is the I can’t get off the couch. Everything becomes unimportant. Cooking is useless, and you forget all your commitments. It’s a dog that wants walked. It’s a child playing alone in their room. It’s calls avoided. Texts not sent. Emails ignored, and cookies not baked. Showers ignored. Teeth not brushed. Medicine not taken. It’s finding every little fault in your friends, family, loved ones and anyone else that crosses your path. It’s the lost jobs. It’s the bills over due, and the rent unpaid. It’s movies not watched and books not read. It’s that pile of laundry, and a messy house. A blog left blank. No poetry in your heart, or songs in your soul. It’s a frown on a Unicorn.
It’s not about finding your happy. It’s that you’re to tired to look. It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t “like” or “love” things. It means that when they do the things they love they find no joy in those things. It means NOT doing anything at all despite how much you love something. It’s not knowing how to make others feel loved. A lack of compassion, and empathy. When one is depressed they don’t see that light at the end of the tunnel. They don’t see the great rewards. It’s the rain that never stops.
Many people were stunned about Robin Williams death! I replied “It’s the funniest, loudest, most artistic, creative, and joyful people who suffer the most!” He couldn’t believe it! You see it’s the happiest people who are the most conflicted inside. I don’t know anyone that is artistic or very creative that isn’t conflicted in some way. My normal may be your abnormal. Different people need different things in their life, and different people function on different levels of sanity. Everyone is unique in how they handle their struggles. What’s hard for one, is easy to another. Everyone has things that are hard in their life.
The happiest people have the most pain. When you hurt so much, so often, for so long you look for ways to cope. Being funny, outgoing, cheerful, and creative makes others happy. It becomes a coping strategy. If you can make others happy you will surely feel happier yourself right? This is only a temporary solution. Many depressed people just “fake it until you make it”. Sometimes its easier that way. People ask fewer questions, lecture you less, don’t judge you, and you avoid tons of unwanted advice. You don’t get those looks of sad eyes saying I pity you. People don’t post memes on your wall prompting “Don’t worry be happy!”, and they certainly don’t look down on you. Everyone loves a happy person, and is looking for a good laugh. Not everyone can be happy all the time.
When you’re the one making people laugh you can hide within the laughter. It’s like when you’re seven, and build a fort! You can hide, and by hiding you can create a sense of security. You carry heavy burdens weighing heavy on your heart. You keep your pain to yourself. You struggle alone. You cry alone. You fight alone. You feel alone although you might have everything. You feel alone although many suffer all the same. You know you should be happy but you become unsure how.
You may think a person contemplating suicide is weak. Or that one that did commit suicide was taking the easy way out. WRONG! Because when you’re so depressed, and suicidal thoughts start happening it’s about being free. Free from all the pain you harbor in your heart. Free from all the hurt, tears, disappointments, and burdens. It’s about not feeling alone anymore. It about not putting your family through hell anymore. It’s wanting no more physical, and emotional pain. It just wanting to be free…..It’s being tired of being depressed! It losing hope of ever finding happy again. It’s forgetting what happy feels like. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Their comes a point in one’s life you take off those crappy glasses, and say WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? You feel the suns warmth on your cheeks. A child’s laughter causes your heart to flutter. Kisses feel genuine. You realize you deserve the love that you receive. You can say I AM WORTH IT! You feel beautiful once again. Food tastes great, and you smell things again. You WANT to do things. You find yourself making plans, and setting goals. Music is blissful, and books feel right in your hands. You have an urge to care for yourself, and others around you.
You want not only to make others happy you want to be happy yourself! You want to do good, and feel good. You don’t want to hide anymore. You want to be the person that so many love so much. You want to NOT be depressed! For some that’s easier than others. Getting better can be damn hard work! Some will need medications, therapy, meditation, diet, exercise, and a doctor’s care to battle depression. Others can rid it away with less but the battle is never easy. Depression is REAL, and it SUCKS!!!! It almost always requires treatment!
Depression is NOTHING to be ashamed of! If you’re depressed please reach out! If you truly feel you have no one FIND SOMEONE! If you need call a free suicide line, or chat with them! Join a support group online. Call a trusted friend or family member. Go to a minister, priest, Rabi, or other trusted religious figure. Please don’t suffer in silence, and please don’t suffer alone! And if you need the help of medication, your doctor/therapist so be it! There is no shame in treating depression! The only shame is NOT treating it! Believe it or not if you left Earth today someone would miss you! Don’t place that burden on others! Pull up your big boy/girl unders and deal with it! If you need help ask, because NOT being depressed is so much better than being depressed! Take it from me!
RIP Robin Williams! Now I understand why I felt such a strong connection to you. I hope you’re happy, and pain-free in the Great Beyond!
If you’re a Veteran call (800)273-8255
or text 838255 for support by text
or chat live at
Or IMAlive is another great website! Chat live at
Or contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Kristin Brooks Hope Center
NEVER BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT!!!!